top of page
  • Writer's pictureGina Greenlee, Author

Overfunctioner’s Revolution: Have a Ball Drawing Boundaries!



Gina Greenlee Book Cover

Don’t give yourself away.

 

◊ ◊ ◊

 


Tennis balls on court
Image Credit: Brands People at Unsplash

The image of me standing there, ankle-deep in tennis balls stopped me cold. It explained what I couldn’t articulate yet seemed to understand in my cells. It indicated how expert I’d become at giving myself away. This epiphany gave me a fresh take on the role I’d played in unsatisfying relationships: I was doing most of the work…

 

◊ ◊ ◊



chain link fence
Image Credit: Markus Spiske at Unsplash

The Overfunctioner’s Revolution is a call to arms to the person who overfunctions, not the people we blame for feeling tread upon. Overfunctioners feel oppressed because we haven’t drawn healthy boundaries – with ourselves and others. Tough love isn’t punishing. It’s clear-eyed. Tough means being accountable. Love is caring enough about yourself to change what you can now clearly see…

 


◊ ◊ ◊

 


A diner
Image Credit: Lorenzo Nafissi at Unsplash







I can’t play this game anymore. I was re-traumatizing myself. Diner Dash players “win” by raising overfunctioning to an art form. Catering to high-maintenance avatars reinforced what I worked hard not to do – put the comfort, feelings, goals and dreams of others before my own…

 









◊ ◊ ◊



Money on floor
Image Credit: NFT-gallery at Unsplash

The Connecticut dating scene hadn’t impressed me. I thought I could better connect with men who lived in my hometown of Manhattan. I placed and answered ads, scheduled appointments and then made a six-hour round trip for a first date. I suppose nothing smells more “desperate” than that. I wasn’t desperate. But I was working way too hard…

 

◊ ◊ ◊



Pug dog
Image Credit: Karin Hiselius at Unsplash


Before my epiphany, I thought her “Ask me again” comment was narcissistic. I now understand that was my interpretation of her declinations; most likely because it was easier for me to demonize her than claim my feelings of hurt and sadness…





◊ ◊ ◊



Clock
Image Credit: Morgan Housel at Unsplash



Let’s face it, some people want your time and energy without showing a willingness to invest their own time and effort…







◊ ◊ ◊



Teddy Bear
Image Credit: Egor Myznik

“This isn’t about you, it’s about me.” That’s how I started. I didn’t rush. I couldn’t. I was hyperventilating. The little girl in me felt unsafe while my adult self knew I had nothing literal to fear. Diane was not a parent or caregiver. She couldn’t abandon me to the street. She didn’t pay my rent. We were not in the same location but on the phone. My quick breath, rapid heartbeat and intestinal distress were signposts that I was leaving my comfort zone. I kept going…



◊ ◊ ◊



Ice sickles
Image Credit: P. Kiwihug at Unsplash







I froze her out for half a year. During my thaw, an epiphany crept to consciousness. I dove beyond my misplaced anger (the tip of the proverbial iceberg) to the complete truth beneath the surface: fear that I might not have what it takes to be an author…











◊ ◊ ◊



No crossing sign
Image Credit: Kai Pilger at Unsplash


“No” is the button that keeps us on. People who create know this. They know the world is all strangers with candy. They know how to say “no” and they know how to suffer the consequences…






◊ ◊ ◊



Mask
Image Credit: John Noonan at Unsplash







“When you feel yourself becoming angry, resentful, or exhausted, pay attention to where you haven’t set a healthy boundary…”










◊ ◊ ◊



Rubics cibe
Image Credit: Karla Hernandez at Unsplash






Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy helped me to explore this dynamic: a survival mechanism in childhood is not useful as an adult…











◊ ◊ ◊



Please stay on the path sign
Image Credit: Mark Duffel at Unsplash




Thou Shalt Say, “No Thank You” without Explanation to Any and All Invitations that Don’t Ring Thy Chimes…







◊ ◊ ◊



Gina Greenlee Book Cover

As life goes on it becomes tiring to keep up the character you invented for yourself…


Comments


bottom of page